Of Night and Its Music.

                                 It’s way past midnight and sleep eludes me still and I’m still trying to find the ‘elusive’ in the night, I so desperately want to talk to her but she is quiet as she always is, pacifying the paramours of the light, a bunch of ingrates, who would just get up and walk away from her lap and she would close her eyes and disappear, being encapsulated in the illumination, up till then I accompany her and she, me.
Current Track – Speak To Me/Breathe | Pink Floyd
Pink Floyd has always been my sleeping aid ever since I discovered the existence of the band and their music, serene as it grows.
Nights are so much longer than days, which on the contrary slip like free flowing sand. The hands of the clock are just amusing as a mime's, quiet as anything but say so much, they mock you  and you can only stand there helpless, smiling on the misery of your existence bounded by this illusion which people call time.
Current Track – No Quarter | Led Zeppelin
Now, you can just feel your head getting so heavy with emotions as Page starts to pluck those strings  and explodes in effusion when Plant starts to sing and that pretty much explains why Led Zepp is one of the most influential bands in the history of music and I light my last cigarette.

Cigarettes are an insomniac’s best friend, there are so many answers you can sap out of the smoke you blow. Life   could be a figurative cigarette, you start from being just out of the box new , your life essence then sucked while you burn and turn into ash eventually. It impeccably plays so many different roles at different times, sometimes a mate, sometimes a muse and sometimes a whore: costing you much and fucking you in return.


Current Track – Way Out Of Here| Porcupine Tree
Now, if you are seeking inspiration or motivation from music PTree wouldn’t provide you with it but they surely give you reasons to fall in love with it. If music is addictive, they are fucking heroine. Their music just punctures your skin and enters your blood stream, pushing you into a state of ecstasy.

I might not actually fit into the definition of a junkie and I’m not but curiosity drove me through those unlit driveways but there’s no remorse at all. Drugs shouldn’t be considered or treated as an agent to escapism, they wouldn’t save you from your real world troubles, to make things worse they could only amplify them, apparently they amplify everything, letting you experience a heightened state of emotion you already are in.

Current Track – The End | The Doors
The thing about Morrison is ,he’s inexplicable, he’s this enigmatic figure you cannot just figure out, but that makes you adore him even more, music is charismatic, expressive, enchanting and gripping, his voice anchors in the deepest corners of your heart, more like a guided meditation which ends in pure bliss.
Rest In Peace Morrison! But I know your voice never will.
 

Posers,Posers,Posers. . .

Now this is not an attempt on belittling, though if going through this ,makes you feel even a tinge of disparagement then I would feel like the purpose of writing this post has been served.

So, where do I even begin with? Me obviously, as before pointing a finger at any individual you have to deal with the other three directing towards you. Yes, I am a stern follower of hypocrisy, but in my defense, evolution demands it, now in a world with so much to binge on you cannot expect to be all milk and no water, behavioral adulteration has now transformed into a cult these days (didn’t get it? I was expecting you won’t, take the hint). The point being it falls under the circumference of the conventional ‘wrong’ but is acceptable to an extent. Personally, I think everything that does not fall under the realms of mortal sin is more or less acceptable. So, that is how I justify my social anomalies through my philosophical bends, what is your excuse? (I know you don’t have any, caught you with your pants down, didn’t I?). So, now with your permission I would like to take a derisive detour and stick the boot right in.

Now, I know many of you practice and participate in certain things just to get the approval of a certain group of individuals in the society, most of them to be precise  ( ‘participate’ being just a general form of the verb here which might range anything from a ‘do’ to the vigorous forms of ‘ass kissing’). Well apparently those have been typecast-ed by you as outcasts and social pariahs save themselves the trouble but in contrary to my tone I very much appreciate the amount of work you guys put in to get accepted by your peers which axiomatically turns you into a piece of work. (you see, I turned it around) and the phenomenon is omnipresent and undeniable in any field or sector of life you search in.

So, while we are on the subject, I wanted to point out some of my favorite categories and throw a handful of reproach at them. I know I might be slammed later for the classification but what the hell :D

• The Aesthetically Deprived – Now , there is nothing wrong with the way you look buddy and experimenting with asinine colors is only making you look like a cross between Willy Wonka and an androgynous Lady Gaga. Be the way you are, get comfortable with your attire and if even then anyone judges you , then he/she is the sheriff of Shmucksville and can go suck skunk-piss.

•The Pseudo-Intellectuals – Now, let me make this thing as clear as a bell, out of all these cries for attention, yours is the most desperate. Trust me ,you yourself aren’t aware of the point you are trying to make. I know you don’t have anything in your lives to look forward to but you have to understand, you can only flaunt it if you have got it and when you don’t the repercussions are  so humiliating to be even discussed, my heart just fills with pity when I see you guys trying so hard.

• The ‘Kewl Krawd’ – This group is the most diversified of all and is divided into so many sub-groups that  they cannot be defined even with the help of abstract algebra.
First of all you need stop using that ‘SMS lingo’ of yours everywhere, using a ‘u’ in ‘coming’ makes it way too inappropriate, not ‘kewl’.
Stop treating social media as your personal diary or hourly scrapbook, So much narcissism is unacceptable, changing the color of your glasses  wouldn’t change the face the almighty has bestowed you , deal with it.

• The Bullies – You fucktards need to get your shit straight, your insecurities are eating you away and you are just one step away from becoming violent sociopaths (O wait, too late!). Find a more suitable way to vent the frustration of having an inadequate wiener or erectile dysfunction.

• The Snooty Boy/Girl –These are the people who have been blessed with an above average knowledge(self-proclaimed expertise) in their respective fields.Now I know you guys know your shit way well but that doesn’t give you the prerogative to dance over my ass, try this very strange medicine called ‘humbleness’, wouldn’t hurt much(your egos to be precise). Just remember my poop smells and so does yours, try taking a sniff the next time you are having difficulty in comprehending the concept of equality.

I could actually go on to never stop but that wouldn’t stop you guys from being the colossal ass-hats you currently are and without your presence I might stop feeling better about myself. So, Adios muchachos and keep rocking. ;)

X+Y Chronicles : Attempt on Appeasement

So, here I was holding the mark-sheet in my hands which was struggling for its life and sniggering from inside was my arch-enemy which looked quite contended with the two zeroes right besides it (He thinks it is adding up to his value, what a sucker!). On my way back home ,while I pondered about the implications and ramifications(most of which were about escaping the inevitable pyrotechnics of ass-kickings  that were to follow) and nothing devious came to my mind(I guess its about time I stop listening to R.E.M), and everywhere I look I find the darkness spreading and engulfing light of the logical reasoning and converting it to a synonym of mathematical reasoning ,it has been spreading like a malignant cancer, corrupting the system with its numbers and operators, making itself look and be perceived as convenient(convenient my ass!)  And it’s incurable now (bravo! what an epiphany).

I tried checking the time and the numbers were sneering inside from the watch, I tried to relieve myself of the starvation at an eating joint, a big number was smack-banged onto my face, I tried to register my existence in the world and I was stamped with a number, I am nothing but a number, We all are merely numbers intermingling and living in a labyrinth now controlled by Lord Mathematics, that was my moment of articulacy. I had no chance against this overlord and somehow or the other it has successfully made a way through my life-line and corrupted it too (ah, the horror).

The first thought that came to me was all my life I have fought this callous tyrant and I will never succumb to his ways and die as martyr but saner minds prevail. So, I have decided to actually mend my ways with him and reach on an appeasement in which I will have to study and he will endow me with numbers that would redeem me from my present condition. Seems like a sweet deal, let us just see how it turns out be (and f.y.i, I’m still getting my ass-kicked).

Cries of Redemption

So I wish to clinch thee, keep you as my own,
but would only give a gloaming aftermath.
assuaging it would be to let you shine,
and me,a mere benefactor of your resplendence.

The melody I could hum but dare cantillate,
my voice unworthy, my tongue blasphemous.
Bellows my soul in agony though,
my incapabilities morphing into my chastisements.

No spirit can now quench, the intoxication I yearn for,
 esplanade to the Elysian fields, your eyes.
and a self-abominating addict they have stamped me,
and I derisively stamped their verdict a euphemism.

Bereft I lay in the harrowed lands of melancholy,
and eyes bloodless,waiting for my saviour.
Beseech you for redemption, my remorseless deity,
do not let them go unheard,a heathen’s devoted cry for salvation.

And When I say I'm Blank . . .

The state of being “blank” is always considered (as one of my close friend puts it) desirable, for when you are experiencing it, you are relieved of the mundanely plans that fill your mind or the urge to be unprecedented, guess that would be my brain’s version of taking a vacation(on the contrary I think it is always on one). I have always wanted to experience and understand going through the phase and now when I am actually going through the phase, savoring it doesn’t seem much plausible. It is but fascinating that how an amalgamation of random thoughts and emotions keep popping and vanishing in a jiffy. It starts with a bunch of mathematical equations and leads to that cute girl from college you have always wanted to ask out (or talk to), an errand you promised to do but never did or that moment of desired solitude you felt mentally while being physically present among a group of friends. Endless dialogues in a soliloquy.

I read somewhere that Aquarians live in the future(I might not personally advocate the mass delusion of astrology but then who wants to risk it), maybe that is one of the reasons I try to keep my thoughts as optimistic as possible, but to think what would your version of remedy be if your mind is no more able to dispense any thoughts at all, the one entity that you thought to be the requisite of your daily routine has been snatched away but surprisingly there aren’t any feelings of bereftness and these course of events then leave you flummoxed as you now no longer possess the skills of either comprehension or articulation , you cannot help it.

So, being now aware of my helplessness, I lit one of my cigarettes and focused on the irony of the situation as I was going through the Statutory Warning on my pack and the music player in my phone started playing “Stayin' Alive” by the Bee Gees.

A Salman Trivia

Now, there I was , starting with a brilliant piece of work by Mr.Frederick Forsyth , but then buzzes my phone and a hasty voice had already started praising  “him”, by the time the phone reached my ear it was like-“ aur climax to boht hi tod tha yaar kya btau mai”, while I was trying to figure out what it was actually about another shrieking voice in the background says-“awww, Salman, hayyyyeeeee” and again came, one of my many “bang my head against a firm surface” moments.  So now I wrote a little trivia, so that you people won’t bug me again,

1. Why still a bachelor?
->Ummmmmmmmm, I learned somewhere that using performance enhancing and tissue building steroids for a long period of time leads to infertility or erectile dysfunction in males. So. . . . . . . I think, I have made my point here.

2. Why so violent?
-> It also came to my knowledge from a science journal that inability to use one’s genetilia can cause frustration and violent episodes of sub-psychotic rage. These people try to take this out on weaker beings, so that would explain the acts of domestic violence evident on his then “girlfriends” and my little friend “the black buck” :/

3. Why so generous and inclination towards social causes?
-> To explain this, I would like to tell you about our neighbors’ dog Marshal, now Marshal has a tendency to poop at any random place in their garden but then he realizes “Darn, here comes the fat guy with a bamboo stick”, so he covers it up with mud. I wanted to put it delicately, so I used a parable, and then you guys are smart enough to do the inferring. ;)

All I wanted to deduce is that there is more that what meets the eyes, the Almighty has blessed everyone with the same amount of brain platter, so my advice is not to go bananas over someone who is knee deep in filth (you know who :D),there I said it, and even then if you want to because “everybody is entitled to their opinions”, try punching in some other deluded being’s number. 

"Me tera khoon pee jaunga Black Buck" because I tend to take my frustration out on weaker beings.

चाहत-ऐ-जिंदगी

ख्वाहिशों  की खुली ज़मीं पर ,लड़खड़ाती सी
अरमानों के दायरों से लडती ,झूंझती सी
मयखानों के दर पे, मुस्कुराती सी
और जूठी मुस्कुराहटो पर मुरझाती सी

जो ख़ामोशी चाही, तो चीखती सी
जो मचाया शोर , तो शमशानी सन्नाटों सी
गुज़रे वक़्त की फटी चादरों में खुद को समेटती
सिसकियों में डूबी ,आसूओ में नहाई सी

उस सर्द मौसम की बारिश सी
कदमों तले पत्तों की रंजिश सी
बिन खरोंच के उस ज़ख्म सी
कापती ,चरमराती , रोती सी

थी जो चाहतों से भरी इस कदर
की साँसों का दम घोटती थी
और अब जो साँसों का दौर है चला
तो चाहत-ऐ-जिंदगी को तलाशती सी


P.S - Now, for a while I have been arduously trying to write something in our primary language(had always wanted to), so , here is my very first attempt on it. Though I am not in conversant with Hindi/Urdu writing styles, this might be an amalgamation of both, so cut me some slack on pedant-ism