grrrrrrr :/

i don't know how would i be able to compensate , maybe m having my share of chastisement,
i hav never witnessed so much of emotional turmoil in my life ever, its really difficult,
this notion of love has alwayz baffled me n put me in hell lotta troubles n made me mentally ill at times, there is no actual solution to the equation of love.

there are times when people are so close to you, that you text them bout your going too poop n stuff bt suddenly some random person a.k.a boyfrn/girlfrn comes and throws u out of your place from your friends heart but the person never retaliates coz he/she are blinded by this so called love. along comes the natural feelings of hatred, jealousy n anguish. you feel kinda betrayed but you cannot help it!

but it is all natural and it had to happen one day, you have come to the world to be with just one person but does that mean , you can thrash a person whenever u want.
no, this kind of a behaviour would not be tolerated n why should it be, the person you are playing with is also real and plays his role of importance in this world!!
so be it what you are and i'll be what i'll have to and would not be answerable to anyone, i am not here to be treated like some piece of shit!!
no more crying for anyone, aaj se, don't screw up your peace of mind for someone who isn't bothered and give your life to someone who actually care about you,
be with them coz you are not hte one who is breakin promises, n you are not the bad friend!

P.S- this note is not for any specific person, these are just random thoughts,

A cold nyt

boht thandi lagri boss!!! with the mercury falling there isn't nothing much left out there to do,
i just found an intresting relation between temperature n love ( based on personal experiences)
love is inversely proportional to temperature!!
an example supportin my theory is- you n your bandi/banda would prefer spending more time in the blanket doing your snoogums-woogums during winters rather than going out n play!!
please don't judge me by this, m nt a creep!! :P
i just think "love" is something that has no actual definition, i hav never been able to figure out what that word actually means, though i have misused it quite a many times n had to regret later!!
affection,lust,etc etc even anger sometimes work as sub-ordinates for the L-word!!!
take me 4 example- i like a bandi (presently), a very good friend, the problem isn't bou letting out the feelings n spilling the beans, its bout being sure n understanding what you actually feel for the other person, love n maths are the two things which i am failing in since puberty :P
forget bout love, m still trying to figure out infactuation, soo far i am just able to use the word "like", exuding total confidence!!
Had the almighty blessed my suburban brains with enough intellect, i wouldn't have been strugglin now!! this metropolitan idea of "love" baffles me all the time!
actually the whole idea of "love" baffles me!!
jus caring boout a person isn't love for sure, this quest will be on till there's an answer n "wo to khudaa hi de sakte hai" !!! ;)

insomnia creeping in :/

i hate being insomniac. i guess i hav spent enough sleepless nights in the past! why am i the one who is to suffer every time, why isn the almighty bestowing me wid one person who is able to create an equivalence with me rather than disruptin my peace of mind!! I don't deserve it at all(this treatment) n everybody is aware of that!
i needed u at the stroke of midnight but u wer fast asleep ignoring my sleep deprived eyes, weren't u able 2 figure out before dragging me into this that u weren't ready!!
i feel so sorry for my eyes coz they are the ones who are suffering, sometimes red, sometimes wet and sometimes just wandering aimlessly!
i need u to talk with me n console me now but u made false promises, u aint here bt u said u would be wen m in need!!
but u dont expect me to do the same, i would always liv up to the promises i made, no matter what happens! but they say promises are meant to be broken, Mayb m jus an another exception!


Dear Lord,
why do you do this to me most of the time?? mom says m your favourite but please don't play with me so much otherwise i'll break! :(
you to know every thing, i hate these things rollin down my cheeks, they always make me feel so miserable n weak! please keep em away from me, Neither am i ready for so many unexpected gifts that u alwyas give me n i jus love em n loose em because of my carelessness or break their hearts. . . . . .oh my apologies!! i meant parts!!
i thank you for all your graces n the strength you will be giving me to face this life, n i thank you for sending dat "big eyed gal", she has got beautiful eyes!!!
i know u will pull me out of this but i can't wait for yet another year!!!
Yours faithfully
Sleepless Child

ye qaaaaaa?? :O

omg! omg! i never realized that its been almost an year that i thot seriously about being with a girl, is it because i never met the right person in that period or was it not the right time! but there's always a fear a fear of past events n that ghost haunts me still!! " par risk to life me lena hi padta hai ghalib" :P

derz this girl n she is in my mind 4 a while now n along she brings a cyclone of thougts
but the real deal is i don't know what she feels, i haven't got that "s.o.s signal of love" yet
sometimes i just think m , am i just makig an ass of myself by having this hopeless infactuation
n in the end i'll be ending up with a girlfriend who would be purely imaginary!!!

the other thing keeping me away from this enterprise is the moolah which i do not posses in enough quantity,
they say love is blind but its got an intestine and has to be fed :P
n money is something which is an indelible part of the script of love in today's world.
"money talks , bullshit walks".
maybe i am just in love with the idea of being in love with such a girl who might be outta mah reach!!
that is another noticable aspect of human nature, we adore things which are beyond our reach or stature!
n trust me nowadays money trumps every damn quality you possess, strange and bitter but quite true!

a lil glum creeps in after such disturbin thoughts but we have to live in our real world and survive here, cheeerio!!

Freakkin crazy :P

This one's for daddy's li'l gal :P

On a midsummer night, i was flying "high"(samaj jaao :P) , but i sharply remember i saw you, n da very next second, i was clicking on "add as a friend" :P
I can hardly remember the after events but the very next day you were in my list as my 120Th friend.

For me, you make the phrase come alive "looks can be deceiving", and certainly yours are, and that concludes u ain't intellectual at all :P(jk)

i don have to push my train of thought while conversing with you, and an effortless chat is one thing that cements a bond of friendship!

a major part of you is still a mystery but i like to unfold things myself in a gradual process, like one receives a special gift and removes even the wrapping paper with so much care! i so do wanna unveil but the barrier is time n with it passing by i guess it will all be fine.


i don't wan't things to change between us but change is something we can't control, all we can do is to hope when it happens, it brings us good n betterment in the relation we share!! i love when u say "freakin crazzzy", let it keep coming at regular intervals, :)
n your eyes speak volumes, keep dazzlin the world, lv ya, teqr!!

to Yashasvi

Lost in time :/

Twas a chilly night in '07, n indulged in daydreaming as always, i was trying 2 kill time.

suddenly the phone buzzes n it was your name flashin on the screen, an event of no surprise as at midnight talkin 2 you was kinda daily routine.

"Charlsy! you would neva leave me alone naa??" u said 2 me in a breaking voice, i knew the reason of that crack in your voice, n with a thousand promises in my mind i jus said "Always!".

Two winters have passed since then n communicating with you seems like a task so hard.

They say change is a phenomenon that has to occur but i do not posses the strength to face such as these.

A chirpy,bubbly young girl is the image i still have in my mind, but i knew someday she has to grow up n i wished so would our friendship but the Lord never gives you more than you can handle.

I am not able 2 make out what has just happened, a working agent on this consequence is distance but is it just a sole reason for this situation??

A whirpool of of so many thoughts from where i am helplessly trying 2 swim out 2 the shore of solution knowing that there is a little hope for me but that is the beauty of human nature, a lil hope is all one needs 2 keep going on!

No matter what future has in store for us, i av those b'ful memories of ours and i hope we would maintain our bond of friendship an relive those moments together and this hope gives me the strength 2 carry on n never give up on you.

---------always there with you Abhu!