Cries of Redemption

So I wish to clinch thee, keep you as my own,
but would only give a gloaming aftermath.
assuaging it would be to let you shine,
and me,a mere benefactor of your resplendence.

The melody I could hum but dare cantillate,
my voice unworthy, my tongue blasphemous.
Bellows my soul in agony though,
my incapabilities morphing into my chastisements.

No spirit can now quench, the intoxication I yearn for,
 esplanade to the Elysian fields, your eyes.
and a self-abominating addict they have stamped me,
and I derisively stamped their verdict a euphemism.

Bereft I lay in the harrowed lands of melancholy,
and eyes bloodless,waiting for my saviour.
Beseech you for redemption, my remorseless deity,
do not let them go unheard,a heathen’s devoted cry for salvation.

And When I say I'm Blank . . .

The state of being “blank” is always considered (as one of my close friend puts it) desirable, for when you are experiencing it, you are relieved of the mundanely plans that fill your mind or the urge to be unprecedented, guess that would be my brain’s version of taking a vacation(on the contrary I think it is always on one). I have always wanted to experience and understand going through the phase and now when I am actually going through the phase, savoring it doesn’t seem much plausible. It is but fascinating that how an amalgamation of random thoughts and emotions keep popping and vanishing in a jiffy. It starts with a bunch of mathematical equations and leads to that cute girl from college you have always wanted to ask out (or talk to), an errand you promised to do but never did or that moment of desired solitude you felt mentally while being physically present among a group of friends. Endless dialogues in a soliloquy.

I read somewhere that Aquarians live in the future(I might not personally advocate the mass delusion of astrology but then who wants to risk it), maybe that is one of the reasons I try to keep my thoughts as optimistic as possible, but to think what would your version of remedy be if your mind is no more able to dispense any thoughts at all, the one entity that you thought to be the requisite of your daily routine has been snatched away but surprisingly there aren’t any feelings of bereftness and these course of events then leave you flummoxed as you now no longer possess the skills of either comprehension or articulation , you cannot help it.

So, being now aware of my helplessness, I lit one of my cigarettes and focused on the irony of the situation as I was going through the Statutory Warning on my pack and the music player in my phone started playing “Stayin' Alive” by the Bee Gees.

A Salman Trivia

Now, there I was , starting with a brilliant piece of work by Mr.Frederick Forsyth , but then buzzes my phone and a hasty voice had already started praising  “him”, by the time the phone reached my ear it was like-“ aur climax to boht hi tod tha yaar kya btau mai”, while I was trying to figure out what it was actually about another shrieking voice in the background says-“awww, Salman, hayyyyeeeee” and again came, one of my many “bang my head against a firm surface” moments.  So now I wrote a little trivia, so that you people won’t bug me again,

1. Why still a bachelor?
->Ummmmmmmmm, I learned somewhere that using performance enhancing and tissue building steroids for a long period of time leads to infertility or erectile dysfunction in males. So. . . . . . . I think, I have made my point here.

2. Why so violent?
-> It also came to my knowledge from a science journal that inability to use one’s genetilia can cause frustration and violent episodes of sub-psychotic rage. These people try to take this out on weaker beings, so that would explain the acts of domestic violence evident on his then “girlfriends” and my little friend “the black buck” :/

3. Why so generous and inclination towards social causes?
-> To explain this, I would like to tell you about our neighbors’ dog Marshal, now Marshal has a tendency to poop at any random place in their garden but then he realizes “Darn, here comes the fat guy with a bamboo stick”, so he covers it up with mud. I wanted to put it delicately, so I used a parable, and then you guys are smart enough to do the inferring. ;)

All I wanted to deduce is that there is more that what meets the eyes, the Almighty has blessed everyone with the same amount of brain platter, so my advice is not to go bananas over someone who is knee deep in filth (you know who :D),there I said it, and even then if you want to because “everybody is entitled to their opinions”, try punching in some other deluded being’s number. 

"Me tera khoon pee jaunga Black Buck" because I tend to take my frustration out on weaker beings.

चाहत-ऐ-जिंदगी

ख्वाहिशों  की खुली ज़मीं पर ,लड़खड़ाती सी
अरमानों के दायरों से लडती ,झूंझती सी
मयखानों के दर पे, मुस्कुराती सी
और जूठी मुस्कुराहटो पर मुरझाती सी

जो ख़ामोशी चाही, तो चीखती सी
जो मचाया शोर , तो शमशानी सन्नाटों सी
गुज़रे वक़्त की फटी चादरों में खुद को समेटती
सिसकियों में डूबी ,आसूओ में नहाई सी

उस सर्द मौसम की बारिश सी
कदमों तले पत्तों की रंजिश सी
बिन खरोंच के उस ज़ख्म सी
कापती ,चरमराती , रोती सी

थी जो चाहतों से भरी इस कदर
की साँसों का दम घोटती थी
और अब जो साँसों का दौर है चला
तो चाहत-ऐ-जिंदगी को तलाशती सी


P.S - Now, for a while I have been arduously trying to write something in our primary language(had always wanted to), so , here is my very first attempt on it. Though I am not in conversant with Hindi/Urdu writing styles, this might be an amalgamation of both, so cut me some slack on pedant-ism