If Only, But it Isn't

‘If’ I were a werewolf, I would have totally eviscerated each of the ‘already dead’ body parts out of Edward Cullen (no, he is not a fucking fairy, period!) with my fangs and end this tale forever ‘but’, unfortunately I’m not a werewolf neither am I Stephanie Meyer (I would have been benign enough to spare the world otherwise). What ‘if’ I could fly and could move at the speeds of lightning, don a gaudy facade, and destroy buildings with my laser-beamy eyes (Yea, I am the anti-hero kind, suck on that JLA) ‘but’ there is no chance in a billion that fantasy could be materialized.

‘If’ and ‘but’ are the two enchantments that act as a bridge between dreams and hope where ’if’ is an open doorway to the magical lands of escapism and ‘but’ acts as the dead- end- cliff  which lands you back into the world of reality. Each of us are entitled to have dreams and it’s so pleasant and heart-warming  to watch yourself taking the wand of command and whipping the ass of reality juxtapose causing a significant amount of  annoyance with your snores. The beauty of these two words very much self-evident by how they guide our travels to the clock-cuckoo-land. It is like the time when you are suffering from a mighty of an impact that has your soul shaken, that is where ‘ if’ comes into play and acts as a cool soothing breeze that someone would wish for amidst the scorching summer sun, like  the first gleam of the warm winter sun after the dark cold night. Then comes along ‘but’, putting an end to all the fantasies and pulling down all castles you built mid-air but then someone/something has to do it, very much mandatory. Yes, you fell, maybe even scraped your knee a little, you cannot just lie there thinking and cursing your decision of jumping over the hurdle rather than going besides it ‘but’ you need to dust yourself off and move on with your life( you know what I am trying to point out with all this lame metaphorical shit).

Both are essential and somehow complete each other in the run, wouldn’t life be dull without them, how many ‘if only’ moments pass throughout the day (you may also include your masturbatory fantasies) and simultaneously crushed by ‘but’ in a cruel fashion for good but there are certain ‘if’s that escape the wrath of ‘but’ and evolve into a reality of magnificence and people certainly do end up “living their dream”.

X+Y Chronicles: Origin of the Nemesis

There  is a very noticeable thing about the things you hate in life- they never tend to cease popping up. All these years,I have tried to abscond its presence,many a times successfully but yet it somehow manages to creep back int my life like how a Komodo monitor hunts( It thrusts its fangs into the body of its prey and thus begins a relentless pursuit till the slow yet malignant venom squeezes the life out of the poor being). It’s my ultimate nemesis,as to Superman is Darkseid, to Batman is the Joker, to Wolverine is Sabertooth, to Women is Silence and to Charles is ‘Mathematics’.


And to be true it is vindictive as hell and you better trust me on that. It has been after my peace of mind since I hit adolescence(before tat everything is actually a blur except one incident). As far as I am able to recall,our rivalry goes back to the days of our formal introduction. It was in its most elementary of form like a cute little bear cub which seems harmless(at first!) and I was a 70-80 cm,booger dripping,goofy figure who thought he could chase the wind and bottle it someday( I actually tried it once in the kindergarten and fell flat-faced on the concrete floor and realized “Wind can fly!” , I guess that was my very first moment of epiphany).

Every hostility begins somewhere,it has to have a point of Origin, its not like one fine morning you woke up(in Germany) and felt like waging a war against the States and went with the idea. Ours began when an incident took place that changed my entire physical universe, metamorphisized it into a burning labyrinth of twine. It was fine till we were dealing with numbers but then one  dark afternoon they introduced me to ‘the SUM’ and the graphite in m pencil etched the first of the many blunders to come in future              2 + 2= 5 (and I also licked the notebook for some reason that is yet under the layers of enigma) and thus began a never-ending conflict between  ‘it’ and me(I believe that iterating its name only makes it stronger,”you know who!”). I know it is still smirking under the cover of ‘Sequential Algebra’  while I frown. Never goes a day when we don't try to establish an eternal dominance over each other and put an end to it for once and for all but it never ends. . . . .. .               “Some battles you win,some battles you lose.”

On being Gay

And now if you are here in hopes of finding some sort of ridicule or scorn against the community then you might be facing disappointment. The clichéd question here is about being right or wrong but the question itself does not hold much amount of validity if we carefully look into the generally accepted theorem of “freedom of choice”(on an unrelated topic most of the our problems are of self-contradictory nature). I personally think that anyone should not be held accountable for anything more than crossing the thresholds of mortal sin.

       “It wouldn’t have been fair to all you guys out there, if I weren’t gay”- Neil Patrick Harris

As an individual each is entitled to his/her own opinions and if the person is willing to lead  a satisfactory life(their hypothesis) based on their choices and decisions coming after then I do not see any problem in all. The only problem seen is the fact of not falling into the consensus but then, how does an individual’s personal life or sexual orientation anyhow affects  the  contribution he is making  towards his  community/country/world/humanity ?

As far as the debate about the “bad influence” is concerned, the human race has been bestowed upon with the gift of rationality “try using it for a change”. On a personal thought I don’t think people are born gay (I think it’s a matter of choice and people should come forward feel proud about the choices they made, it is your fucking life after all) but even if they aren’t who are you or I to judge or interfere? Now you cannot make laws against people just for the matter of fact that it grosses you out or any other lame excuse, people will do what they want then why keeping it under the hood. Suppression and flogging leads to rebellion and this is not just for the state, it applies to all of us, what we need here to broaden our perspective and view it in a better light. If you think choosing the consensual ‘sexual partner’ makes you better then I feel pity for you.

If God has blessed you with a genetalia and sent you to this earth to roam about and have a life then you can stick it wherever you want and have it stuck wherever you want without being ‘anal’ytical. (and this goes out for every newt out there)So, screw the hypocritical world as it’s not going anywhere and nor are the people who live in certain delusions and if you keep thinking about right or wrong, you might lose your chance on happiness.

Of Whales and Exams

Around  10 a.m., I entered the examination hall in a haste(I still don’t know why? :/), the very look of the snotty invigilator brings one of those devious smiles on my face, maybe a sense of achievement, that I actually managed to piss one of these twerps off. I turn around looking for my seat and to my disappointment, “just two cute girls”. Trust me that would still top the “disappointments in an examination hall list”  even if there is an utterly disheartening paper , when you realize that all those industriously prepared chits  won’t be coming in much handy or when the person adjacent ,whom you always rely upon shares the same baffled look as yours after reading the paper. Nevertheless I sat down and started reading the questions in a trifled hope of actually being able to write something in the answer sheet.
Attempt all questions, marks of the questions are indicated on the right in brackets
Ques. 1(a) Prove that √3 is an irrational number        (10)
“Frigety frack!, what fresh hell is this??”, I went into flashback  where my pre-high school teacher was teaching us “All roots are irrational numbers”, now riddle me this, you taught us basics on an elementary level and now after ten years you come ask to prove that statement of yours, No Sir! I so refuse to answer this and would be adversarial to this injustice (but now I realize that I should not have done it because when my rebellious attitude would reflect in my results and it wouldn’t be a pretty sight).
I started doodling and scrawling in the allotted ‘rough-work’ box. I gazed upon the newly installed board, a smooth glistening surface and the partly removed polythene cover seemed like a couple of soaring waves and a whale with lazy eye, a very cheerful Moby Dick it seemed like. While I was seeking answers from the board, others were trying to sap it from ceilings and windows and one guy from his sub-conscious mind as he dozed off.  A ‘best of luck’ of message for some 'Saurabh Uniyal' was scrolled over the wall, invigilators whispering and giggling among themselves, maybe mocking others to compensate for the null in their socially deprived lives.
Finally , the moment of epiphany struck me in a tenure of an hour, i realized it was of no use sitting here and doodling poetry in a maths exam, "better waste time indulging in something recreational rather than wasting it here"  and with this thought, I gathered all my stationary(a pen) and handed over the paper to the teacher who I thought had an expression of either scorn or constipation, just smiled back and stepped out to think more about  waves and whales. :)

Zealed Out

While I read about the possibilities of parallel universes and the implications of their existence, I wonder if there were an another me in some other parallel universe who was very much chilled out and maybe even a billionaire with awesome super powers. A few months ago I promised to myself that i will certainly change the way I was and even succeeded to an extent but then there is this bitch called the "insight",that you cannot just turn away from, at least I cannot.

Too damn right Emerson!

I just close my eyes to envisage and analyze the results of this which might be a forced metamorphosis but the days of pledging and resolutions have been left far behind and that too maybe for good. "What is this all about?, Where is is this all going?, Where is this going to culminate?" keeps circling my head  like an endless loop. I hope it ends sooner than I think it would last. But then I am more than happy because to have something that seems intriguing could always be better than being just blank. How do you even decide what you want in life and even if you somehow manage to come up with a decision what makes you think it would quench your thirst of satisfaction. Would money be able to do it? would fame? human intimacy? spirituality? an emulsion of all these things? or like the conventional being this life would end with a bunch of  futile resentments. Maybe I would never get to know, the only option I have would be to let it all go sway with the flow. 

Of Dusk and the Nefarious

How he wishes to hold up and remonstrate,
but sifting through ages,now considered, a waste of debate.
Arduous it was,envisaging an endless dusk,but now comes easy,
credits to the insomnia infested nights, chatting friends,”aghast and tizzy”.


What of a man,who thought many a times, just not thrice,
wants he a fulfilled wish, of his maker’s demise.
And of the one, who seeks more than glory,
cursing one of his own, to fall for the gory.


Yet, undeniable is the presence of trifled hope,
ah mortality! renders you believing in a fruitful grope.
Doubts he too not, that someday, cashing dusk to a failed pawn,
will emerge victorious, a resplendent and never-ending dawn.

Aberration

Does your perception matter??

What is our driving force??? What is that thing that gives us the reason to keep moving on after a significant period even after we fail quite a couple of times? For some of us it is motivation, for some zest, love, loyalty, urge for power, revenge to name a few. this is how the world usually works i.e. on driving forces but there comes a time in our lives when a certain factor causes us to snap out of the primitive programming we were running on and provides us with a realization we most certainly need an up gradation, that's my definition of the word aberration, which is mostly associated with people’s moral lapse, yea the word can be construed either ways depending upon people's philosophical bends, many desire to achieve that state to escape the rut-routine they are in but isn’t it the obvious absconding technique.

Now, who are we to  judge the concepts of right or wrong, the only thing quite factual is that our conventional belief is based on the knowledge which we bequeathed from our ancestors(Megamind would have been saving the world if he were not to crash in a place for  the “Criminally Gifted” ) and it is also very plausible that if we keep iterating a lie for a considerable amount of time, then at a certain point a time will come that it would become an inseparable part of us and we may further start believing and also living it  and when passed on the next generation, it would have been so deep-rooted and prominent that it would be received as “truth”.
Just a matter of perceptions and opinions and about how strongly we believe in them. Galileo was condemned by the Catholic Church for "vehement suspicion of heresy" and the same church in 1939 described Galileo as being among the "most audacious heroes of research... not afraid of the stumbling blocks and the risks on the way, nor fearful of the funereal monuments”,  and apparently our Earth did turn out to be heliocentric.

“Right” is nothing but a matter of mass opinion. Most of the people would without even questioning the validity believe in what is fed to them if that fact is backed by a significant number. When we talk about pure numbers, many argue about the credentials of classification.
Yes, maybe my angle is hypothetical but then so is God, still we tend to believe. You are on the receiving end, to some it would be blasphemy, to a few intriguing.