The Road less Travelled! (a short story)

Adolescence was kissing our feet as we entered the room with a board on which ” IX-A” was scrolled over and four of us entered the class with a cocky grin.
“oh! So this is where Riya Awasthi used to rest her so exquisite posterior” shouted Piyuesh while trying to embrace the chair.
“Can’t you just try not to be disgusting at the very first day of class??” I replied scornfully.
“First return my copy of “ bedroom delights ”, you kinky bastard” came the retaliation and I adhered to my seat without making any more comments.
“Yea Puss,what if any of the girls walks in?” asked a concerned Gaggi.
“People, with great power comes great responsibility and now as official seniors it is for us to endorse the disgust and kink.”

“wooo, look at her, tighter shirt and a shorter skirt, puberty is directly proportional to skankiness brah, we have to keep up with the girls dude,so pull your zippers up” as Puss continued.
“shut up yaar Puss,enough with the crap, zip it now” yelled Sid who wasn’t as chirpy as usual.
” What happened Romeo,why so cranky?? didn’t Garima wish you with the ‘muah-infested good night’ yesterday ?” I mocked.
“had a spat again,didn’t you?? It will be fine yaar” consoled Gaggi as we all took adjacent seats, the bell rang.

Ringing the bell like demented primates was Puss standing outside my gate yelling “Baabu wouldn’t let us in you mofo, make it quick” .
“let me just lock the doors bey and please can you speak in a lower register, we have neighbors ,damn you Maths! You took away my privilege of sleeping in the afternoon ” I kept mumbling and reluctantly got on my bicycle.
“That moron Sid wouldn’t stop sulking, should we gift him with Kama sutra coloring books ?” started Piyuesh.
”Umm,no! I guess those new DVDs should be a better choice” I replied in a serious tone.
“ah! interactive learning, brilliant sire!” clucked Puss and so we pedaled on and we were to meet Gaggi and Sid on the Chowk(crossroads), as usual Gaggi was there but Sid wasn’t.
“We’ll have to bunk the tuition today, they broke-up” were the words that came out of Gaggi’s mouth.
No, back then we didn’t think it was juvenile breaking up on some trivial issue which I don’t even remember, but yeah it was something stupid for sure. We rushed to Sid’s place, which reeked of Aslam and Iglesias.
“It is fine yaar, you cannot change destiny and the bitch was asking for it.” I said as everybody nodded.
“Maybe you are right ,I should get a break from. . . . . .(te-te,te-te ‘ the message alert tone’,he picks up the phone and reads ),I need to go to her house,she wants to talk”.
“Ok,fine you have fun and now when we have time to kill,God bless Playstation!” said Puss.
“you all are coming” ,
“We are doomed” I sighed in exasperation.

Now Garima lived across the town which was like a 7 km ride and there were two ways of getting there: one) take the main road and be stuck in traffic for half an hour or 2) take the road less travelled which ran parallel to the highway but was also deserted because of the long-running stories about dacoity and ghostly hitchhikers as it was not well-lit , which took us around 8 mins to cross and second had always been our obvious choice. It had started to get dusky , we reached Garima’s place ,now we were quite acquainted to her family as we would at frequent intervals visit for “notes:P”, everyone but her father(a mentally ill being probably suffering from psychosis),that person used to creep the hell out of us , to him we were an eyesore and he to us. So while these two had their “talk” while we sat there happily munching on cheese-balls and wafers. Apparently , both parties eventually made peace and the much awaited “patch-up” happened.
“Couldn’t they have done all this gooey stuff on phone??, Graham Bell’s soul is crying out loud right now, I tell you. ” murmured Puss while Gaggi sipped on the Frooti juice box.
So at last we we got up to leave and started towards the door and as her mother was busy doing kitchen work, she came running, caught hold of Sid, hugged him and gave him a peck on his cheek while we pretended to look away .
”What is going on here?” said a roaring voice, we turned and there was her Dad and the look on his face was enough for us all to pee our pants.
”Each one for himself, save yourselves” shouted Puss and we ran like anything, got on our bicycles and did not even dare to slow down or look back till we reached route no. 2.
“You horny bastard, you almost got us killed just for the sake of pleasing your penis” said an annoyed Puss and I turned back intending to frown upon him, a cold wave of eeriness ran throughout my body as Sid wasn’t there and neither was Gaggi, when I made Puss aware he was left speechless too. “Let us just get out of the place as soon as possible” he said and we started pedaling faster.

“suhaana safar aur ye mausam haseen,humey darr hai hum kho naa jaye kahi”.
“what the fuck are you doing??” he shouted, all cranked up.
“trying to level down the nervousness dude”. “By the way it’s working” now sounding a little relaxed.
“Hehehehehe,Suhaana Safar?? Where are you guys heading” asked a stuttering voice.
I turned right to see a bald, man riding adjacent to us and smiling,one of his tooth was missing. I actually lost my breath for a moment and that feeling of fear I can not ever describe ,my mouth went dry and then I heard Puss yelling “Fuuuuccccccckkkkkkkkkkkk”, we both cycled with all our strength and in a span of mere 2 minutes we were on the highway. We went straight to our respective homes and then to bed but sleep eluded me all night. Next morning ,rang the door bell and the three of them came in. Actually what happened was Gaggi and Sid in hassle and bafflement took the highway and reached home only half an hour later ,they then decided not to disturb us and discuss the “scene” in school. We then narrated the whole story to both of them,for a moment there was silence and then we all burst into laughters, “what a God-forbidden day it was?” and apparently Garima didn’t show up in class for an another week.

“Chutiya Banata Hai!”

It was one of those bumpy back-to-home rides on one of those bouncy castles popularly known as the U.P. Roadways (the buses). I had my earphones shoved into my ears and savoring the voice of Jim Morrison, enters a staggering figure and spots the only vacant seat in the bus, “light my fire” was interrupted by the descending tushie of his on my lap, his breath reeking of cheap liquor(Yes, I can make out the difference), I somehow helped him settle on the seat adjacent to mine, he spent a major part of his journey mumbling expletives against his wife, mostly low fidelity issues , but then in the last quarter hour all of a sudden he sits up to the sight of a aloo-tikki stall and starts obtrusively -“Ye saala tikki waala sabko chutiya banata hai, shudh desi ghee ki tikkiya,iske baap ne bhi sungha h desi ghee???(I wanted to say “how would I know” but kept mum), saale 600 rupaiye/kg hai, Dalda me desi ghee ki khusboo milake bechta hai(that is technically the scent of desi ghee right), aaj ki duniya me ek aadmi 100 logo ka chutiya banata hai”(he accused that particular tikki waala of making a fool out of everyone by using adulterated ghee), I simply nodded and smiled by the time I reached for my bag pack and had a sip of water he was “down” again.
Now we know how much these colorful festivals are celebrated and relished in our country and so are these drool-enhancing sweets and other fancy eatables which are an inseparable part of these extravagant events. The words of the “drunk uncle” were echoing in my mind while I was trying to pop-in one of those white rasgullas Dad brought home the other night, the thing is everything we eat is adulterated, these soulless selfish bastards have figured out new and innovative ways to deceive the common man of his health and money, be it sweets, milk, veggies, even fruits. He also mentioned that in the present times, one has to be deceptive and sly to make things work and attain a sustainable monetary state, maybe a very cogent statement and very insightful, but then most of the people turn into profound orators after ethyl alcohol acts upon them.

He also mentioned that you need to have a lot of gall to pull off something like that, “Beta, in today’s world if you can speak intelligent shit and defecate people out (I am still trying to figure this one out), you will be the one ruling the world”. Now what it depicts is the angle from which the common man views his problems and he doesn’t even want to eradicate it, he is advertising it (the wrong ideas) and would gladly do it, if given a chance. It is factual that every consumable item is infected with adulterants and its people like the “drunken uncle” who are doing it, what we need to work on is our basic principles on the grass root levels of our conscience and set them straight, it may take a lot of gall to do wrong but it takes a lot more courage to choose what is actually right and publish it.

P.S.- be careful while picking up one of those deceiving, palatable thingies this festive season, they may seem like mesmerizing mermaids but are actually blood-thirsty nymphs in disguise.

Freakin Crazy!!! (Remastered)

Now usually I don’t do blogs over girls as far gone are my pubescent days where I used to write lame gooey poetry for adolescent girls and post-adolescent females which I cannot mention here(for obvious reasons) but this one, she is something different, I know what just popped up into your Stephanie Meyer infested brains, please hold your horses,(and if I tell you that I am being coerced to write this one, I would rather be bludgeoned, that too with a chowkidaar’s danda), So this one is for Yashi, no we don’t share a romantic interest in each other( the very thought of it makes me feel nauseated), so here we go,

Now we have been friends for a year and a half maybe, now I actually don’t remember the exact time and she would not be whining about this, that is why she is one of the coolest chicks I have ever met.
Yes! we barely hang out together, have never attended any of her parties (now when I have mentioned it, you need to get me to those parties with buffoon headed M.B.A chics you were telling me about, evil laugh mwahahahaha) but you have always been there for me from the time I have known you, the whole freaking time!! you just won’t leave me alone till I take up drinking and pass out of sheer bliss again, she was the one to make me realize that it doesn’t matter much which friend is there in the fun times but it certainly does starts to matter whose is there when you are having a hard time and she adhered to me like a freakin fungus to an algae in lichens :P

Now, she may bedazzle you with a lot of things and be all happy-go-lucky the whole time but then don’t get yourselves deluded with the fact that you are in her trustworthy list, Please splash your face with a little water and get rid of your delusion. She cares about a handful of people who I believe have earned that place in her life (well then, there are always exceptions and we all make mistakes, let’s move on). Her superficial display of broad and extensive philosophical bends should not be misconstrued for something explicit or unethical but most of the times she is clear with what she wants from the other person, that is one of her best qualities.

Now, I know I may piss you off at certain moments but then I never deliberately intend to do that, you must always keep in mind that I have always expected and found you in times of need, times I felt inconsolable and vulnerable, and I would always be there by your side, be it your chowkidaar problem or of any other sort (the kinds which I warn you about and spend hours trying to make you understand to stay light years away from it but then you ultimately end up falling into that particular one, pheww good grief!). I only have a few ground beliefs in my life and one of them is that no matter what happens, when either of us is facing an overcast weather in life, the other one would be there with an umbrella. Now I can go on yammering about this person but then even I have limits and can only keep lying to a certain extent (JK)
Now I don't want things to change between us but then change is something we don’t have a control over and is by all means inevitable, all we can do is to hope when it happens, it brings in good thingies and betterment in the relation we share!! Till death do us part ;) ;)
Love you dude!!!! <3

Road to Disengagement

It was my moment of glory, bright seemed every way,
felt a solemn stillness though, pensive so I must lay.
Faint initially, but now they were quite audible,
but an amalgam of brightness and sobs, did not seem plausible.
Oscillating were the dangling leaves, but the wind did not pass,
it was the moment of gory came to me, depicted an identical carcass.

So, this is where everything culminates and ends all the pain,
the literary "point of no return”, where all your accumulation goes to vain.
Apparitions are here apparent, but pounds your heart no more,
befriends everybody the desolation, here exists no lore.
But the stance here is what people call relief,
trusts isn’t broken, no feuds, no cracks in belief.

Was not for me to savour the bliss, as uninvited pang tore it apart,
Ah! I could look through the eyes of my own and then into the heart.
If my past insured their future and lurking treachery did slyly provoke,
glad I am that no more I share their space and slept a sleep from which only “the Son” woke.
The purpose is now served and hereby I am to relish the absolute detachment,
bid thee farewell oh forsaken land, where hostilities are nurtured and wolves roam freely in parchments!!

All Soaped Up :/

When the American soap companies decided to fund the shows in the early television days, no one would have ever thought how much of an impact would these “soap operas” have on the common households. Today these are the shows eating the weekday primetime meal with a major percentage of the population.
In our country these shows usually revolve around a fondant, sincere, religious and seraphic girl who is the perfect daughter in law. Actually these shows should come with a precautionary notice of “please, don’t try this at home” because if you try all that whining and nagging crap on “aaj ki naari”,I am pretty much sure you would not be reciprocated only with facial cues.These are also infesting people with all kinds of false hopes and expectations(“hamari bahu to tulsi jaisi hogi” , get a life people) and so much filled with social inaccuracies ,
Knowledge of more than one language is by theory considered advantageous but it can also go “vice”-versa in a quite tragicomical way as my mallu descent makes me vulnerable to the Malayalam soaps too, which are an assault on the senses, I dare you to find me a protagonist with a smile on her face in those, and they have a problem with almost anything right that is going around and do not want to lead a peaceful life and that is why they make people dig holes for them, deliberately fall into them and then act like a wounded li’l pup and blame the vamp, quite baffling !!and riddle me this, why wasting 200 mins of airtime in saying a mere “Yes”, when you have to tie the knot with him anyways, Kill me Now!!!!!
I have also heard people talking about a particular show which is “inspired” from Twilight, I mean come on, all that gooey stuff was not enough that you are trying to do a desi version of it,” desi sparkling vampire with erectile dysfunction” , yea that would be new!!
I miss the days when me and my sister used to discuss “the Beatles” and “Bob Dylan”, now the conversations take a minor detour every single time , screw you “Pavitra Rishta” I hold you responsible!!!

I personally think that these shows manage to get such a high viewership as the Indian housewife somewhere envisages her life to be as the pretty tv lass(trust me she is a skank), with all the drama and spice that is actually missing from their lives(no wonder Desperate Housewives was a hit in the States) , they try to seek escape by indulging in these characters and they actually connect to the Indian households but we(the adolescent beings) are the real victims and it’s my humble request, please , please “Spare us the Horror” .
P.S- These soaps are highly infectious, I have lost a many of my beloved friends to these “grey matter thirsty” products of the idiot box,
So Beware!!! :/

Clash of the Generations

Have you ever been taunted, made to feel intimidated, faced condescension? These are some inevitable factoids that a teen has to face after he hits puberty till he (and let me quote) is "successful" and does he really understand what significance does that word holds for him at this age because we all know success holds different meanings to different people and the freedom of choice that is the sheer soul of teenage, is hereby murdered.

Here I am not at all trying to be pejorative about, to accuse or criticize anybody's way of upbringing because (as I always say) is entitled to their opinions, all I am trying to do is to provide with an unconventional train of thought that might just make things smoother to bridge the so called generation gap, that is undoubtedly present and is seen as a hurdle by the exuberant teenage spirit.

All of our parents and the elderly have sifted through this phase, then the question pops up (in teen lingo) -"What's all the fuss about man? " . The answer may be lying in the interrogative part itself, they have been through it and so they clearly know what kind of evil may be secretly lurking when we choose a certain path for ourselves but as the times have changed , so the conventional methods of making them understand also demands a considerable improvement.

Parents must try understanding that the naïve mind of their credulous child is already going through a lot and provoking them contemptuously would only add to the state of agitation they are already in. You will have to let them run their course and find the right path by not providing them with assistance always, where “you” think it is necessary.

The never ending conflict between the ideas of parents and their wards can totally be eradicated with a little mutual acceptance and understanding and it goes equally for both the sides-“If you cannot beat them, then better join hands with them”.