Of Whales and Exams

Around  10 a.m., I entered the examination hall in a haste(I still don’t know why? :/), the very look of the snotty invigilator brings one of those devious smiles on my face, maybe a sense of achievement, that I actually managed to piss one of these twerps off. I turn around looking for my seat and to my disappointment, “just two cute girls”. Trust me that would still top the “disappointments in an examination hall list”  even if there is an utterly disheartening paper , when you realize that all those industriously prepared chits  won’t be coming in much handy or when the person adjacent ,whom you always rely upon shares the same baffled look as yours after reading the paper. Nevertheless I sat down and started reading the questions in a trifled hope of actually being able to write something in the answer sheet.
Attempt all questions, marks of the questions are indicated on the right in brackets
Ques. 1(a) Prove that √3 is an irrational number        (10)
“Frigety frack!, what fresh hell is this??”, I went into flashback  where my pre-high school teacher was teaching us “All roots are irrational numbers”, now riddle me this, you taught us basics on an elementary level and now after ten years you come ask to prove that statement of yours, No Sir! I so refuse to answer this and would be adversarial to this injustice (but now I realize that I should not have done it because when my rebellious attitude would reflect in my results and it wouldn’t be a pretty sight).
I started doodling and scrawling in the allotted ‘rough-work’ box. I gazed upon the newly installed board, a smooth glistening surface and the partly removed polythene cover seemed like a couple of soaring waves and a whale with lazy eye, a very cheerful Moby Dick it seemed like. While I was seeking answers from the board, others were trying to sap it from ceilings and windows and one guy from his sub-conscious mind as he dozed off.  A ‘best of luck’ of message for some 'Saurabh Uniyal' was scrolled over the wall, invigilators whispering and giggling among themselves, maybe mocking others to compensate for the null in their socially deprived lives.
Finally , the moment of epiphany struck me in a tenure of an hour, i realized it was of no use sitting here and doodling poetry in a maths exam, "better waste time indulging in something recreational rather than wasting it here"  and with this thought, I gathered all my stationary(a pen) and handed over the paper to the teacher who I thought had an expression of either scorn or constipation, just smiled back and stepped out to think more about  waves and whales. :)

Zealed Out

While I read about the possibilities of parallel universes and the implications of their existence, I wonder if there were an another me in some other parallel universe who was very much chilled out and maybe even a billionaire with awesome super powers. A few months ago I promised to myself that i will certainly change the way I was and even succeeded to an extent but then there is this bitch called the "insight",that you cannot just turn away from, at least I cannot.

Too damn right Emerson!

I just close my eyes to envisage and analyze the results of this which might be a forced metamorphosis but the days of pledging and resolutions have been left far behind and that too maybe for good. "What is this all about?, Where is is this all going?, Where is this going to culminate?" keeps circling my head  like an endless loop. I hope it ends sooner than I think it would last. But then I am more than happy because to have something that seems intriguing could always be better than being just blank. How do you even decide what you want in life and even if you somehow manage to come up with a decision what makes you think it would quench your thirst of satisfaction. Would money be able to do it? would fame? human intimacy? spirituality? an emulsion of all these things? or like the conventional being this life would end with a bunch of  futile resentments. Maybe I would never get to know, the only option I have would be to let it all go sway with the flow. 

Of Dusk and the Nefarious

How he wishes to hold up and remonstrate,
but sifting through ages,now considered, a waste of debate.
Arduous it was,envisaging an endless dusk,but now comes easy,
credits to the insomnia infested nights, chatting friends,”aghast and tizzy”.


What of a man,who thought many a times, just not thrice,
wants he a fulfilled wish, of his maker’s demise.
And of the one, who seeks more than glory,
cursing one of his own, to fall for the gory.


Yet, undeniable is the presence of trifled hope,
ah mortality! renders you believing in a fruitful grope.
Doubts he too not, that someday, cashing dusk to a failed pawn,
will emerge victorious, a resplendent and never-ending dawn.

Aberration

Does your perception matter??

What is our driving force??? What is that thing that gives us the reason to keep moving on after a significant period even after we fail quite a couple of times? For some of us it is motivation, for some zest, love, loyalty, urge for power, revenge to name a few. this is how the world usually works i.e. on driving forces but there comes a time in our lives when a certain factor causes us to snap out of the primitive programming we were running on and provides us with a realization we most certainly need an up gradation, that's my definition of the word aberration, which is mostly associated with people’s moral lapse, yea the word can be construed either ways depending upon people's philosophical bends, many desire to achieve that state to escape the rut-routine they are in but isn’t it the obvious absconding technique.

Now, who are we to  judge the concepts of right or wrong, the only thing quite factual is that our conventional belief is based on the knowledge which we bequeathed from our ancestors(Megamind would have been saving the world if he were not to crash in a place for  the “Criminally Gifted” ) and it is also very plausible that if we keep iterating a lie for a considerable amount of time, then at a certain point a time will come that it would become an inseparable part of us and we may further start believing and also living it  and when passed on the next generation, it would have been so deep-rooted and prominent that it would be received as “truth”.
Just a matter of perceptions and opinions and about how strongly we believe in them. Galileo was condemned by the Catholic Church for "vehement suspicion of heresy" and the same church in 1939 described Galileo as being among the "most audacious heroes of research... not afraid of the stumbling blocks and the risks on the way, nor fearful of the funereal monuments”,  and apparently our Earth did turn out to be heliocentric.

“Right” is nothing but a matter of mass opinion. Most of the people would without even questioning the validity believe in what is fed to them if that fact is backed by a significant number. When we talk about pure numbers, many argue about the credentials of classification.
Yes, maybe my angle is hypothetical but then so is God, still we tend to believe. You are on the receiving end, to some it would be blasphemy, to a few intriguing.

The Road less Travelled! (a short story)

Adolescence was kissing our feet as we entered the room with a board on which ” IX-A” was scrolled over and four of us entered the class with a cocky grin.
“oh! So this is where Riya Awasthi used to rest her so exquisite posterior” shouted Piyuesh while trying to embrace the chair.
“Can’t you just try not to be disgusting at the very first day of class??” I replied scornfully.
“First return my copy of “ bedroom delights ”, you kinky bastard” came the retaliation and I adhered to my seat without making any more comments.
“Yea Puss,what if any of the girls walks in?” asked a concerned Gaggi.
“People, with great power comes great responsibility and now as official seniors it is for us to endorse the disgust and kink.”

“wooo, look at her, tighter shirt and a shorter skirt, puberty is directly proportional to skankiness brah, we have to keep up with the girls dude,so pull your zippers up” as Puss continued.
“shut up yaar Puss,enough with the crap, zip it now” yelled Sid who wasn’t as chirpy as usual.
” What happened Romeo,why so cranky?? didn’t Garima wish you with the ‘muah-infested good night’ yesterday ?” I mocked.
“had a spat again,didn’t you?? It will be fine yaar” consoled Gaggi as we all took adjacent seats, the bell rang.

Ringing the bell like demented primates was Puss standing outside my gate yelling “Baabu wouldn’t let us in you mofo, make it quick” .
“let me just lock the doors bey and please can you speak in a lower register, we have neighbors ,damn you Maths! You took away my privilege of sleeping in the afternoon ” I kept mumbling and reluctantly got on my bicycle.
“That moron Sid wouldn’t stop sulking, should we gift him with Kama sutra coloring books ?” started Piyuesh.
”Umm,no! I guess those new DVDs should be a better choice” I replied in a serious tone.
“ah! interactive learning, brilliant sire!” clucked Puss and so we pedaled on and we were to meet Gaggi and Sid on the Chowk(crossroads), as usual Gaggi was there but Sid wasn’t.
“We’ll have to bunk the tuition today, they broke-up” were the words that came out of Gaggi’s mouth.
No, back then we didn’t think it was juvenile breaking up on some trivial issue which I don’t even remember, but yeah it was something stupid for sure. We rushed to Sid’s place, which reeked of Aslam and Iglesias.
“It is fine yaar, you cannot change destiny and the bitch was asking for it.” I said as everybody nodded.
“Maybe you are right ,I should get a break from. . . . . .(te-te,te-te ‘ the message alert tone’,he picks up the phone and reads ),I need to go to her house,she wants to talk”.
“Ok,fine you have fun and now when we have time to kill,God bless Playstation!” said Puss.
“you all are coming” ,
“We are doomed” I sighed in exasperation.

Now Garima lived across the town which was like a 7 km ride and there were two ways of getting there: one) take the main road and be stuck in traffic for half an hour or 2) take the road less travelled which ran parallel to the highway but was also deserted because of the long-running stories about dacoity and ghostly hitchhikers as it was not well-lit , which took us around 8 mins to cross and second had always been our obvious choice. It had started to get dusky , we reached Garima’s place ,now we were quite acquainted to her family as we would at frequent intervals visit for “notes:P”, everyone but her father(a mentally ill being probably suffering from psychosis),that person used to creep the hell out of us , to him we were an eyesore and he to us. So while these two had their “talk” while we sat there happily munching on cheese-balls and wafers. Apparently , both parties eventually made peace and the much awaited “patch-up” happened.
“Couldn’t they have done all this gooey stuff on phone??, Graham Bell’s soul is crying out loud right now, I tell you. ” murmured Puss while Gaggi sipped on the Frooti juice box.
So at last we we got up to leave and started towards the door and as her mother was busy doing kitchen work, she came running, caught hold of Sid, hugged him and gave him a peck on his cheek while we pretended to look away .
”What is going on here?” said a roaring voice, we turned and there was her Dad and the look on his face was enough for us all to pee our pants.
”Each one for himself, save yourselves” shouted Puss and we ran like anything, got on our bicycles and did not even dare to slow down or look back till we reached route no. 2.
“You horny bastard, you almost got us killed just for the sake of pleasing your penis” said an annoyed Puss and I turned back intending to frown upon him, a cold wave of eeriness ran throughout my body as Sid wasn’t there and neither was Gaggi, when I made Puss aware he was left speechless too. “Let us just get out of the place as soon as possible” he said and we started pedaling faster.

“suhaana safar aur ye mausam haseen,humey darr hai hum kho naa jaye kahi”.
“what the fuck are you doing??” he shouted, all cranked up.
“trying to level down the nervousness dude”. “By the way it’s working” now sounding a little relaxed.
“Hehehehehe,Suhaana Safar?? Where are you guys heading” asked a stuttering voice.
I turned right to see a bald, man riding adjacent to us and smiling,one of his tooth was missing. I actually lost my breath for a moment and that feeling of fear I can not ever describe ,my mouth went dry and then I heard Puss yelling “Fuuuuccccccckkkkkkkkkkkk”, we both cycled with all our strength and in a span of mere 2 minutes we were on the highway. We went straight to our respective homes and then to bed but sleep eluded me all night. Next morning ,rang the door bell and the three of them came in. Actually what happened was Gaggi and Sid in hassle and bafflement took the highway and reached home only half an hour later ,they then decided not to disturb us and discuss the “scene” in school. We then narrated the whole story to both of them,for a moment there was silence and then we all burst into laughters, “what a God-forbidden day it was?” and apparently Garima didn’t show up in class for an another week.

“Chutiya Banata Hai!”

It was one of those bumpy back-to-home rides on one of those bouncy castles popularly known as the U.P. Roadways (the buses). I had my earphones shoved into my ears and savoring the voice of Jim Morrison, enters a staggering figure and spots the only vacant seat in the bus, “light my fire” was interrupted by the descending tushie of his on my lap, his breath reeking of cheap liquor(Yes, I can make out the difference), I somehow helped him settle on the seat adjacent to mine, he spent a major part of his journey mumbling expletives against his wife, mostly low fidelity issues , but then in the last quarter hour all of a sudden he sits up to the sight of a aloo-tikki stall and starts obtrusively -“Ye saala tikki waala sabko chutiya banata hai, shudh desi ghee ki tikkiya,iske baap ne bhi sungha h desi ghee???(I wanted to say “how would I know” but kept mum), saale 600 rupaiye/kg hai, Dalda me desi ghee ki khusboo milake bechta hai(that is technically the scent of desi ghee right), aaj ki duniya me ek aadmi 100 logo ka chutiya banata hai”(he accused that particular tikki waala of making a fool out of everyone by using adulterated ghee), I simply nodded and smiled by the time I reached for my bag pack and had a sip of water he was “down” again.
Now we know how much these colorful festivals are celebrated and relished in our country and so are these drool-enhancing sweets and other fancy eatables which are an inseparable part of these extravagant events. The words of the “drunk uncle” were echoing in my mind while I was trying to pop-in one of those white rasgullas Dad brought home the other night, the thing is everything we eat is adulterated, these soulless selfish bastards have figured out new and innovative ways to deceive the common man of his health and money, be it sweets, milk, veggies, even fruits. He also mentioned that in the present times, one has to be deceptive and sly to make things work and attain a sustainable monetary state, maybe a very cogent statement and very insightful, but then most of the people turn into profound orators after ethyl alcohol acts upon them.

He also mentioned that you need to have a lot of gall to pull off something like that, “Beta, in today’s world if you can speak intelligent shit and defecate people out (I am still trying to figure this one out), you will be the one ruling the world”. Now what it depicts is the angle from which the common man views his problems and he doesn’t even want to eradicate it, he is advertising it (the wrong ideas) and would gladly do it, if given a chance. It is factual that every consumable item is infected with adulterants and its people like the “drunken uncle” who are doing it, what we need to work on is our basic principles on the grass root levels of our conscience and set them straight, it may take a lot of gall to do wrong but it takes a lot more courage to choose what is actually right and publish it.

P.S.- be careful while picking up one of those deceiving, palatable thingies this festive season, they may seem like mesmerizing mermaids but are actually blood-thirsty nymphs in disguise.

Freakin Crazy!!! (Remastered)

Now usually I don’t do blogs over girls as far gone are my pubescent days where I used to write lame gooey poetry for adolescent girls and post-adolescent females which I cannot mention here(for obvious reasons) but this one, she is something different, I know what just popped up into your Stephanie Meyer infested brains, please hold your horses,(and if I tell you that I am being coerced to write this one, I would rather be bludgeoned, that too with a chowkidaar’s danda), So this one is for Yashi, no we don’t share a romantic interest in each other( the very thought of it makes me feel nauseated), so here we go,

Now we have been friends for a year and a half maybe, now I actually don’t remember the exact time and she would not be whining about this, that is why she is one of the coolest chicks I have ever met.
Yes! we barely hang out together, have never attended any of her parties (now when I have mentioned it, you need to get me to those parties with buffoon headed M.B.A chics you were telling me about, evil laugh mwahahahaha) but you have always been there for me from the time I have known you, the whole freaking time!! you just won’t leave me alone till I take up drinking and pass out of sheer bliss again, she was the one to make me realize that it doesn’t matter much which friend is there in the fun times but it certainly does starts to matter whose is there when you are having a hard time and she adhered to me like a freakin fungus to an algae in lichens :P

Now, she may bedazzle you with a lot of things and be all happy-go-lucky the whole time but then don’t get yourselves deluded with the fact that you are in her trustworthy list, Please splash your face with a little water and get rid of your delusion. She cares about a handful of people who I believe have earned that place in her life (well then, there are always exceptions and we all make mistakes, let’s move on). Her superficial display of broad and extensive philosophical bends should not be misconstrued for something explicit or unethical but most of the times she is clear with what she wants from the other person, that is one of her best qualities.

Now, I know I may piss you off at certain moments but then I never deliberately intend to do that, you must always keep in mind that I have always expected and found you in times of need, times I felt inconsolable and vulnerable, and I would always be there by your side, be it your chowkidaar problem or of any other sort (the kinds which I warn you about and spend hours trying to make you understand to stay light years away from it but then you ultimately end up falling into that particular one, pheww good grief!). I only have a few ground beliefs in my life and one of them is that no matter what happens, when either of us is facing an overcast weather in life, the other one would be there with an umbrella. Now I can go on yammering about this person but then even I have limits and can only keep lying to a certain extent (JK)
Now I don't want things to change between us but then change is something we don’t have a control over and is by all means inevitable, all we can do is to hope when it happens, it brings in good thingies and betterment in the relation we share!! Till death do us part ;) ;)
Love you dude!!!! <3

Road to Disengagement

It was my moment of glory, bright seemed every way,
felt a solemn stillness though, pensive so I must lay.
Faint initially, but now they were quite audible,
but an amalgam of brightness and sobs, did not seem plausible.
Oscillating were the dangling leaves, but the wind did not pass,
it was the moment of gory came to me, depicted an identical carcass.

So, this is where everything culminates and ends all the pain,
the literary "point of no return”, where all your accumulation goes to vain.
Apparitions are here apparent, but pounds your heart no more,
befriends everybody the desolation, here exists no lore.
But the stance here is what people call relief,
trusts isn’t broken, no feuds, no cracks in belief.

Was not for me to savour the bliss, as uninvited pang tore it apart,
Ah! I could look through the eyes of my own and then into the heart.
If my past insured their future and lurking treachery did slyly provoke,
glad I am that no more I share their space and slept a sleep from which only “the Son” woke.
The purpose is now served and hereby I am to relish the absolute detachment,
bid thee farewell oh forsaken land, where hostilities are nurtured and wolves roam freely in parchments!!