They Sold Us Broken Dreams

" You could see time flying away and the element of surprise, the moment you’ve been waiting for can’t be seen in the near vicinity, a time very much, almost tailored to fit in your dreaded life , supposed to be the miracle drug to your misery, the amount of rants and blames  one has accumulated over the years . You shouldn’t have believed them , but they wore such convincing facades, the promises sewn in so brilliantly into your neurons that you were coerced to believe that you are or at least in the calculated future become the coveted royal jewel . But it’s a scam, all of it , love, hope , perfection and everything that makes up the idea of a utopian world that has been sold to you, you thrive on it, spend your whole fucking lives running after it and die regretting that you didn’t put in enough efforts to reach there, the crescendo of satiation. I need you all to wake up , shatter the fucking glass pane and break out of it."

Of Life and Lies

"Your lives are not precious, I know what you have been taught from the time you were a crawling little sack of meat and now when you've grown into  bigger one with time you've started firmly believing in it. We talk about humanity, share myriads of videos and a plethora of quotes on the internet, ah the fucking internet,such a picture of utopia this fucking labyrinth of lies, fucking lies I tell you. If only our lives were a 'quarter of a quarter of a quarter' perfect as we try to project them, the world would have been a place worth living. We love to get stuck in our self-woven cobweb of lies, lies that we tell others, lies that we tell ourselves and lies that have encapsulated the whole of humanity that our lives,Yes! your life, my life , our lives are nothing but a bunch of glorified lies, our souls corroding deep inside while we gather social acceptance from people who are as self abominating as us"

"Just a little remains of what it was, and nothing could be seen of what it'll be,
a little here, a little there, lies in fragments, of lies that were and they'll be"

Cries of Redemption

So I wish to clinch thee, keep you as my own,
but would only give a gloaming aftermath.
assuaging it would be to let you shine,
and me,a mere benefactor of your resplendence.

The melody I could hum but dare cantillate,
my voice unworthy, my tongue blasphemous.
Bellows my soul in agony though,
my incapabilities morphing into my chastisements.

No spirit can now quench, the intoxication I yearn for,
 esplanade to the Elysian fields, your eyes.
and a self-abominating addict they have stamped me,
and I derisively stamped their verdict a euphemism.

Bereft I lay in the harrowed lands of melancholy,
and eyes bloodless,waiting for my saviour.
Beseech you for redemption, my remorseless deity,
do not let them go unheard,a heathen’s devoted cry for salvation.

Unfolding Enigma -" Dazed and Confused"

The mind had always been occupied and involuntary,
mesmerized but here I stand, so acutely mute.
Stance of the heart is now inclement,
but the power of thought rendered incompetent.

Was it known,a mere glare would leave me intoxicated,
would never have touched an effervescent wine,
have witnessed eyes that would narrate tales in a blink
but baffled to see a kind which could melodiously sing.

                                                                                                  

Who won’t adore that petalled , subtle curve of yours,
affixed by the creator, as the last piece of that perfect collage.
Bedazzled must he be left, who is to receive thy smile,
pulse would have skipped a beat but after that left pounding.

 Interpretation of an enigma, is a juvenile thing to do,
what urges me to this relentless pursuit, I don’t have a damn clue.
They tell me, “There is more than what meets the eyes”,
“depends on what you’re trying to find” I just say
Maybe finding a piece of lost bliss, maybe a whole paradise.

Clash of the Generations

Have you ever been taunted, made to feel intimidated, faced condescension? These are some inevitable factoids that a teen has to face after he hits puberty till he (and let me quote) is "successful" and does he really understand what significance does that word holds for him at this age because we all know success holds different meanings to different people and the freedom of choice that is the sheer soul of teenage, is hereby murdered.

Here I am not at all trying to be pejorative about, to accuse or criticize anybody's way of upbringing because (as I always say) is entitled to their opinions, all I am trying to do is to provide with an unconventional train of thought that might just make things smoother to bridge the so called generation gap, that is undoubtedly present and is seen as a hurdle by the exuberant teenage spirit.

All of our parents and the elderly have sifted through this phase, then the question pops up (in teen lingo) -"What's all the fuss about man? " . The answer may be lying in the interrogative part itself, they have been through it and so they clearly know what kind of evil may be secretly lurking when we choose a certain path for ourselves but as the times have changed , so the conventional methods of making them understand also demands a considerable improvement.

Parents must try understanding that the naïve mind of their credulous child is already going through a lot and provoking them contemptuously would only add to the state of agitation they are already in. You will have to let them run their course and find the right path by not providing them with assistance always, where “you” think it is necessary.

The never ending conflict between the ideas of parents and their wards can totally be eradicated with a little mutual acceptance and understanding and it goes equally for both the sides-“If you cannot beat them, then better join hands with them”.

an odd duck

It was the summer of '10 when the gang was rejoicing their victory over the ferocious 1st year(the examinations,other that that the whole year was rather an antonym of ferocious), the new breed of freshmen had arrived soothing the hankering eyes!

enjoying the scenic beauty, we continued to pass skeevy comments among ourselves(as savage as we may seem, we respect the females) and that is what all the young lads do in college years, while everybody was busy my eyes struck on a carelessly walking, goofy figure with earphones stuck into her niggling ears, a cute filly indeed,
though that face passed besides me multiple times in the past few months but i paid no heed, unaware of the fact its going to get me stymied one day.

Yea, i am an idiot when it comes to the notion of feelings, be it romantic or something else but i cannot help it, though i have suffered very serious losses in this area but my suburban brain has not learned a bit from my past mistakes, i don't know what am i leading myself into this time, the thing that has kept bugging me all my life is why cannot we have answers to every question that pops into our mind, because somewhere out, there are answers for sure but not with the people who actually need them,
like in the examination hall the 90%+ guys have the answers but they don't need em as much as the poor guy on 39% and just needs just another answer!! life can be so cruel at times. ;P

my apologies that i deviated from the base topic but i needed to spread a li'l enlightenment :P

i cannot use names and specifications right now as i am myself not sure about how things are going , yea there is a huge disturbance in force but no reciprocity(no s.o.s signal) n without that there isn any surity. actually I am trying to act cool here but the truth is that I am way out of practice(don't take it in a creepy way) what i mean is, it's been a long time me+heart+girl, that was the only way i could think of to explain the preceding statement, sorry i am bad with semantics.
but you can't help it, though you know all the cons but you still want to go deeper and dig up the pros, ah hope !! thou art a heartless bitch! you know what is going to happen and it is going to end just as the other stories but i like to fancy about how beautiful things can be, not just me, we all do and "kaaash" comes into power, taking us to the exotic lands of fantasy!

The thing is that i am knowingly putting myself through this and hereby cannot blame anyone for the misery i am going to witness in the future (here i have surity), because my treasured friends have already warned me about things and have showed me the glimpse of the bigger picture but "dil ki khata bhi hai kya,dillagi ke siwa isne kiya bhi hai kya", cheesy indeed but true ;P

keeping fingers crossed and eyes closed i would continue to walk on the thin line, lets see if it leads me to my destination coz "andhere may maara hua teer 100 me se ek baar to nishaney pe lagat hi hai"

cheerio :)

A Tale of Woe!!!

So! Here we are, 2011!!!
So the year begins with two of my best friends ditching me for no logical reasons,
Now you would be wondering what could have happened? Well!!! Even I am still trying to figure out what actually did, I could say I am in bit of a mess, I mean I may act as I don’t give damn but actually I feel so . . . . . . . maybe miserable fits in quite nicely,not because those people left me,because maybe I made yet another blunder in recognizing people whom I actually percieved to be . . . . . . . let’s go with “good” here(that is how we act polite because the word’s antonym is not that offesnsive :P).
The fact being there are so many fickle-minded and loathsome people in their lives who have done so much wrong to them and yet they thought I may be not the one who deserves to be in their lives,”cool enough!!!!”
Still I apologize for my petty mistakes that may have caused an “ enormous amount of hurt” to you guys (sarcasm), I really feel so lame writing this stuff but I really needed to take down my frustration. We all make mistakes but friendship is all about overlooking those and stick together through thick and thin , its not about picking out on every little phrase that comes out of the other person’s mouth!!!!!
Nevertheless all said and done, and the two people whom I trusted to be with me in walks of life made me sing “Boulevard of broken Dreams”(by the punk rock band Greenday) :/. Life can be so unpredictable at times, can get you stymied in a fraction of second, one day you are rejoicing of having the greatest of friends and another day you are regretting about trusting that person blindly.Funny Indeed!!!
What I’ve learned from these experiencesis that life never promised that it will let me have these special people for eternity,though I spent very special moments with them but it isn’t the end of the world,I should probably not be sulking but trying to explore what beautiful memories I would be making in the future to come!!!!
And being thankful that I am still blessed with a bunch of very good friends, and would be blessed with more of them in the future, I here by sign off,
For now!!! 

grrrrrrr :/

i don't know how would i be able to compensate , maybe m having my share of chastisement,
i hav never witnessed so much of emotional turmoil in my life ever, its really difficult,
this notion of love has alwayz baffled me n put me in hell lotta troubles n made me mentally ill at times, there is no actual solution to the equation of love.

there are times when people are so close to you, that you text them bout your going too poop n stuff bt suddenly some random person a.k.a boyfrn/girlfrn comes and throws u out of your place from your friends heart but the person never retaliates coz he/she are blinded by this so called love. along comes the natural feelings of hatred, jealousy n anguish. you feel kinda betrayed but you cannot help it!

but it is all natural and it had to happen one day, you have come to the world to be with just one person but does that mean , you can thrash a person whenever u want.
no, this kind of a behaviour would not be tolerated n why should it be, the person you are playing with is also real and plays his role of importance in this world!!
so be it what you are and i'll be what i'll have to and would not be answerable to anyone, i am not here to be treated like some piece of shit!!
no more crying for anyone, aaj se, don't screw up your peace of mind for someone who isn't bothered and give your life to someone who actually care about you,
be with them coz you are not hte one who is breakin promises, n you are not the bad friend!

P.S- this note is not for any specific person, these are just random thoughts,

A cold nyt

boht thandi lagri boss!!! with the mercury falling there isn't nothing much left out there to do,
i just found an intresting relation between temperature n love ( based on personal experiences)
love is inversely proportional to temperature!!
an example supportin my theory is- you n your bandi/banda would prefer spending more time in the blanket doing your snoogums-woogums during winters rather than going out n play!!
please don't judge me by this, m nt a creep!! :P
i just think "love" is something that has no actual definition, i hav never been able to figure out what that word actually means, though i have misused it quite a many times n had to regret later!!
affection,lust,etc etc even anger sometimes work as sub-ordinates for the L-word!!!
take me 4 example- i like a bandi (presently), a very good friend, the problem isn't bou letting out the feelings n spilling the beans, its bout being sure n understanding what you actually feel for the other person, love n maths are the two things which i am failing in since puberty :P
forget bout love, m still trying to figure out infactuation, soo far i am just able to use the word "like", exuding total confidence!!
Had the almighty blessed my suburban brains with enough intellect, i wouldn't have been strugglin now!! this metropolitan idea of "love" baffles me all the time!
actually the whole idea of "love" baffles me!!
jus caring boout a person isn't love for sure, this quest will be on till there's an answer n "wo to khudaa hi de sakte hai" !!! ;)

insomnia creeping in :/

i hate being insomniac. i guess i hav spent enough sleepless nights in the past! why am i the one who is to suffer every time, why isn the almighty bestowing me wid one person who is able to create an equivalence with me rather than disruptin my peace of mind!! I don't deserve it at all(this treatment) n everybody is aware of that!
i needed u at the stroke of midnight but u wer fast asleep ignoring my sleep deprived eyes, weren't u able 2 figure out before dragging me into this that u weren't ready!!
i feel so sorry for my eyes coz they are the ones who are suffering, sometimes red, sometimes wet and sometimes just wandering aimlessly!
i need u to talk with me n console me now but u made false promises, u aint here bt u said u would be wen m in need!!
but u dont expect me to do the same, i would always liv up to the promises i made, no matter what happens! but they say promises are meant to be broken, Mayb m jus an another exception!


Dear Lord,
why do you do this to me most of the time?? mom says m your favourite but please don't play with me so much otherwise i'll break! :(
you to know every thing, i hate these things rollin down my cheeks, they always make me feel so miserable n weak! please keep em away from me, Neither am i ready for so many unexpected gifts that u alwyas give me n i jus love em n loose em because of my carelessness or break their hearts. . . . . .oh my apologies!! i meant parts!!
i thank you for all your graces n the strength you will be giving me to face this life, n i thank you for sending dat "big eyed gal", she has got beautiful eyes!!!
i know u will pull me out of this but i can't wait for yet another year!!!
Yours faithfully
Sleepless Child

ye qaaaaaa?? :O

omg! omg! i never realized that its been almost an year that i thot seriously about being with a girl, is it because i never met the right person in that period or was it not the right time! but there's always a fear a fear of past events n that ghost haunts me still!! " par risk to life me lena hi padta hai ghalib" :P

derz this girl n she is in my mind 4 a while now n along she brings a cyclone of thougts
but the real deal is i don't know what she feels, i haven't got that "s.o.s signal of love" yet
sometimes i just think m , am i just makig an ass of myself by having this hopeless infactuation
n in the end i'll be ending up with a girlfriend who would be purely imaginary!!!

the other thing keeping me away from this enterprise is the moolah which i do not posses in enough quantity,
they say love is blind but its got an intestine and has to be fed :P
n money is something which is an indelible part of the script of love in today's world.
"money talks , bullshit walks".
maybe i am just in love with the idea of being in love with such a girl who might be outta mah reach!!
that is another noticable aspect of human nature, we adore things which are beyond our reach or stature!
n trust me nowadays money trumps every damn quality you possess, strange and bitter but quite true!

a lil glum creeps in after such disturbin thoughts but we have to live in our real world and survive here, cheeerio!!

Lost in time :/

Twas a chilly night in '07, n indulged in daydreaming as always, i was trying 2 kill time.

suddenly the phone buzzes n it was your name flashin on the screen, an event of no surprise as at midnight talkin 2 you was kinda daily routine.

"Charlsy! you would neva leave me alone naa??" u said 2 me in a breaking voice, i knew the reason of that crack in your voice, n with a thousand promises in my mind i jus said "Always!".

Two winters have passed since then n communicating with you seems like a task so hard.

They say change is a phenomenon that has to occur but i do not posses the strength to face such as these.

A chirpy,bubbly young girl is the image i still have in my mind, but i knew someday she has to grow up n i wished so would our friendship but the Lord never gives you more than you can handle.

I am not able 2 make out what has just happened, a working agent on this consequence is distance but is it just a sole reason for this situation??

A whirpool of of so many thoughts from where i am helplessly trying 2 swim out 2 the shore of solution knowing that there is a little hope for me but that is the beauty of human nature, a lil hope is all one needs 2 keep going on!

No matter what future has in store for us, i av those b'ful memories of ours and i hope we would maintain our bond of friendship an relive those moments together and this hope gives me the strength 2 carry on n never give up on you.

---------always there with you Abhu!