Unquenched Desire for Chaos

There was so much chaos in his mind but all he could do was smile, she lied there in her whole nakedness, glorious and resplendent in the night of a thousand massacres, and it was not lives that were butchered but dreams, a cold blooded brutal murder of desires. She came closer and placed her head on his chest and his violent heartbeats thus revealed what his face was trying to hide, while she pushed her head deeper to be lost in the music of that vigorous thumping , sweeter than any musical instrument in the world could produce , pushing her into a state of long awaited ecstasy. For the first time the silence was not uncomfortable, time had slowed down, air had turned into something viscous that it impeded the movement of limbs or it was exactly what they wanted it to be.
The very touch of hers, adulterated his veins with an inoculation that would accumulate and cause his heart to implode in effusion and all he wished was to be destroyed in the explosion of that emotion. Any intoxicant could not induce a high as vicious as the one he got from her smell , an abominating, substance abusing  addict would feel pity at his present state of compulsiveness. Everyone around suspected some anomaly, they wished for an anomaly to sprout out of the wed mud of content and bliss they slept on, the happiness was such that people around them started having trouble digesting it.
He was troubled and she was cautious and her inability to express , to scream it loud to the world was garroting her, caught in the twisted labyrinth of conventions , mind , heart and soul teaching and preaching different chapters of morality and sanctity but never did she realize these were non-existent , vanished into thin air as ghosts the moment she leaned in to kiss him for the first time, it was her, she was the chaos, the agent of constant and continuous decimation , his remorseless deity  and she, she existed to be his vessel of turbulence.

अश्क़

अश्क़ आया देने आँखों पे दस्तक ,
रूह को गया वोह रौंद
पर अश्क़ तो थम जाते है ,
सुबह की आग में जल जाते है
रौशनी से रूबरू जो हुआ,
हो गया फ़ना
खो गया हवा में ,
बन गया बारिश की बूंद

मधम सी खुश्बू  पे सवार,
आई है बारिश की बूंदे
तू अश्क़ बहाए फिर भी ,
बैठा है आँखों को मूंदें
धुल सी गयी वादी ये,
खुल सी गयी खिड़किया
अब तू भी ले पनाह ,
इन बूंदों के दरमियां

Of New Years and Learning

You always run out of words at moments like these, I usually don’t have much to say usually , even if you are asked questions like what was your year like? My eyes start to wander haphazardly, scanning the environment I’m in to sap anything that could save me from it but alas, I pretty much always end up scoring squat and a handful of embarrassment.
If one thing in your life is involuntary, that is learning(apart from engorgement),it doesn’t work the other way round, once you learn something, you cannot undo it. That was one of my earlier aims ,I always wanted to learn something unique, the answers that most of the people don’t usually bother about, maybe they are clever enough to understand the futility of such things, unfortunately I’m not that cognitively blessed as others. The point being you are always learning things(important) and the universe pushes you towards them helping you to make the apparent and logical choices in the course of learning ,to be precise: it’s better to stay away from bullshit.
My year was like any other, pretty much routine, would it change things if you start to categorize them and placing them high on your life cupboard as trophies, what is gone is gone and what is to come will come no matter what you say or do , rendering all your resentments, your plans to a big ball of useless yarn. What I actually did was to learn in this year , I learned to live in the moment; sounds a little too dramatic but that’s what I did. I quit worrying about things, I started ignoring the ‘regrets’( by viewing them as lessons), yes, there was not much of an “intellectually stimulating” scenario but I definitely learned to have fun right. I learned to use alcohol and marijuana, instead of being used by ‘them’. I learned to use my ‘words’ right. I learned humility could trump almost anything. I learned the simple ways are the probable best ways of executing things and the most important I got better at what I think I am best at –being zen(read “not giving a fuck”), so it was a good year after all as I am still alive and punching words. So, my advice would be to stop worrying, I think it’s all fine till you are alive, eating and fucking , rest all is just secondary. So, until next year , Adios!

Prisoner Of Birth

I've been having this strange dream, where the world is a sycamore and me, a strangulated corpse on one of its branches 

but I'm not alone,many smiling faces , all garroted , hanging by umbilical cords around their vocal cords.

I was a prisoner of my birth and it was slowly juicing the life out of me.

The Death Of Me

"Follow my whims, they beckon you with a bellowing howl but I,
I'm wildfire that burns in perpetuity and you,
you are that light drizzle that I need to sizzle.


A million times I've resisted,but the fuck you stare,
it feels like witnessing a solar flare.
My heart it skewers and strips me to the core,
but who am I kidding, it was the death I had always wished for."

They Sold Us Broken Dreams

" You could see time flying away and the element of surprise, the moment you’ve been waiting for can’t be seen in the near vicinity, a time very much, almost tailored to fit in your dreaded life , supposed to be the miracle drug to your misery, the amount of rants and blames  one has accumulated over the years . You shouldn’t have believed them , but they wore such convincing facades, the promises sewn in so brilliantly into your neurons that you were coerced to believe that you are or at least in the calculated future become the coveted royal jewel . But it’s a scam, all of it , love, hope , perfection and everything that makes up the idea of a utopian world that has been sold to you, you thrive on it, spend your whole fucking lives running after it and die regretting that you didn’t put in enough efforts to reach there, the crescendo of satiation. I need you all to wake up , shatter the fucking glass pane and break out of it."

Of Life and Lies

"Your lives are not precious, I know what you have been taught from the time you were a crawling little sack of meat and now when you've grown into  bigger one with time you've started firmly believing in it. We talk about humanity, share myriads of videos and a plethora of quotes on the internet, ah the fucking internet,such a picture of utopia this fucking labyrinth of lies, fucking lies I tell you. If only our lives were a 'quarter of a quarter of a quarter' perfect as we try to project them, the world would have been a place worth living. We love to get stuck in our self-woven cobweb of lies, lies that we tell others, lies that we tell ourselves and lies that have encapsulated the whole of humanity that our lives,Yes! your life, my life , our lives are nothing but a bunch of glorified lies, our souls corroding deep inside while we gather social acceptance from people who are as self abominating as us"

"Just a little remains of what it was, and nothing could be seen of what it'll be,
a little here, a little there, lies in fragments, of lies that were and they'll be"